Saturday, August 25, 2007

I am not Super Mom

I honestly think I kind of suck at being a Mom. 

I love my baby more than anything in the world and I think I do an ok job of taking care of her. She's growing and thriving and happy. But I feel like I can't get anything else done except taking care of her. 

I don't know how the rest of the world is doing it. We don't take walks very often because she usually ends up crying. I think I have one of the only babies in the world that doesn't like walks or rides in the car. I don't really get out of the house very often unless DH is with me to help. DD only goes 3 hours between feedings and I'm not comfortable NIP yet - not like there are many convenient places to NIP! Like I just sit down in the middle of the grocery store and nurse her. And I am NOT going to nurse her in the bathroom stall. I'm so nervous about her crying when we're out because she gets SO worked up and cries really hard. And people just give me dirty looks like I'm making her cry or something. It makes me SO uncomfortable. I also have a really hard time giving her a bottle - its like she knows that she gets the boob from me and bottle from Dad. 

She's a relatively happy baby despite her reflux issues - just not when we have to run some errands or do stuff! It makes me so sad because I have such a hard time getting out and about with her. I feel like a failure - and how the heck am I going to manage if I have more children? She almost always wants interaction or to be held when she's awake so I only get to do things when she's napping. 

So, then there's the house. My house is a disaster area. I have clothes all over that need to be put away, 2 bathrooms that need cleaning, sheets that need changing, carpets to be vaccumed, kitchen floor to be mopped, flower beds in desperate (and I mean desperate) need of being weeded and cut down, lawn to be mowed, among a million and ten other things. And I just never have the extra time or energy. DH does help out quite a bit, so I can't complain about that. He works full time though and coaches swimming (which has just started), and has a side business of doing work on computers so he is incredibly busy. I'm scared about how I'm going to be able to do anything at all when I go back to work. It will be nice to have adult interaction and do other things besides take care of DD...but I'm going to miss her so much and I'll have even LESS time to get anything else in my personal life accomplished. 

I just wish so badly that I was better at this. It doesn't help that we live in a rural area (that we love) so its normally a PITA to run the simplest errand. The stores we have within a 15 minute radius are a drug store, the grocery store, some fast food/pizza/coffee places, the bank, and a bunch of stores we don't ever need to go to. The closest mall/department/big box stores are a minimum of 20-25 minutes away. There is a Walmart in the works...but its going to be at least a year if we're lucky. 

Why can't I do this better? I see so many women who do it ALL. And seem to do it well. They look great, the house is always clean, dinner made, they're running her and there. My girlfriend down the street is AMAZING. She has 4 children - 7, 4, 2, and 9 months AND her husband is a corrections officer who works 8 hours away, so the VAST majority of the time, she's by herself! Yet, she has it together pretty well. Her house is clean, she goes all over, they even have 2 dogs and 2 cats!! 

I know I can't compare myself to others, but I just can't seem to get it together. I feel stupid.


  1. Everyone just LOOKS like they're doing it all. Every mom feels like you do!! Being a mom is hard and completely rewarding at the same time. You're doing great!!

  2. I could have written this same blog entry. Except that I NIP with my bebe au lait---I walk around and do it..I don't sit. But Elena HATES being in the car--she doesn't sleep. If I time it well--we can go for walks, but in the bjorn not stroller--she doesn't like it either. Anyway, don't worry--this won't last forever! If I didn't have my mom house would be a D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R, too!